Setting up Two Homes | The Rejected Parent Newsletter

This newsletter is for parents who are being rejected by their children and those who support them. I will be sending regular newsletters to give suggestions and support to parents dealing with rejection from their children on all levels. I generally support parents whose children are 18 years and under; however, some of this will apply to parents with adult children as well.

Setting up two homes is usually part of the process when a family separates, and the parents need their own places to live. Sometimes, parents can get so caught up in the legal process that they may miss a few areas that can help their children adjust.

Children need their parents to understand their perspective during this time of creating two homes for them. They want to be taken seriously and acknowledged for how they feel about situations. Children want to be treated as if they have important feelings and thoughts on matters that impact them. Some parents I have worked with who are being rejected by their children have forgotten or never learned how important it is to acknowledge their children’s perspectives and feelings. Sometimes, that is the main reason they reject that parent.

An example of this is when the parents have to sell the family home so both can find a different home to live in that accommodates their children. Finding a new home or adjusting to the one you are keeping is a decision based on what parents can afford, like how many bedrooms are feasible. Children may not be able to have their own bedroom. However, allowing your child to choose between rooms is a way of considering their opinions. Children shouldn’t be “calling the shots” in huge decisions but it is wise to find ways to include them in the little decisions, which may be big to them. It’s important to step back from what you are doing and the business of a move and check in with your child.

Other decisions that you can involve your children in include food options, paint colors, furniture arrangement, bathroom decor, and even the selection of games for family fun. By seeking their 'buy-in,' you're not just making them feel like it’s their home too, but also fostering a sense of belonging and ownership in the new space.

The more valued and included your children feel in the process, the more likely they are to feel comfortable being in each home, leading to an easier transition as well as treasuring their relationship with each parent.

-Cathy Himlin